“Who knows — who REALLY knows — what’s going on in the situation?” I’ll put ALL of my dough on Mom!
I’d risk alienating all three of my sons — their ‘friendship’ — I’d risk it ALL if it meant keeping them out of WHAT I KNOW to be a malicious, bruising, debilitating group who DOESN’T CARE A WHIT about my sons’ lives and welfare (other than how these can be sculpted to serve the upline vampires). No freaking way.
I totally get that you can’t push a rope (by ‘having/compelling him to read’ Merchants of Deception, or this board, etc. as I mentioned in an earlier post) so, perhaps I expect too much, too fast. I still maintain that these are ‘tools in your belt,’ so to speak. I also like the strategy of ‘seeing what good friends he has’ — waiting to see who swoops in to pick up Matt and tuck him under their wing.
I’m with Lauren(?) on this, tho: it’s addiction and withdrawal. I wouldn’t allow even “a little bit of drugs”, just “a tiny flask of alcohol”, etc., while I was financially (and in this case, somewhat emotionally) responsible for him. He can hate me forever, but it’s the most compassionate and loving thing I can do for him: set the right example.
Hell, his programming has already set you and him at odds. But your relationship as mom can trump ALL of the hateful gobbledygook he’s been fed — at least that’s what I believe (or hope!). Do the right thing by standing on the principles you set forth already. You’ve been right all along. I think holding your ground lovingly but forcibly will be best in the long run. But it seems it’s always the ‘short run’ that distracts us and causes us pause.
Whatever you decide, we’re pulling for you here.